Embracing Reality

Ya know, if you looked at my social media accounts (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat) I bet you would think to yourself, “Wow, Rachel looks like she has a awesome life right now! She just travels the world, plays soccer and works out, and has so much time to do so many fun things.” And I can bet that because, well, so many people I’ve talked to have recently told me those things.

However, I am always the first to rebuttal that my social media posts are designed to make people think my life is awesome. I choose what I post on social media, and what I choose to post is the only thing most people see. My followers don’t see things I don’t choose to show them. And no, I’m not going to pretend like this past year wasn’t an adventure and wasn’t a life-changing year, because it most definitely was, but it didn’t change my life in the way you might have expected it to.

You saw countless photos I posted of me traveling and experiencing so much of Iceland this year, but you didn’t see the countless days I spent at my house watching Netflix, or napping, or reading books, or walking to my friends’ houses to sit and do nothing together.

You saw my posts about me out with friends having fun experiencing the nightlife in Stockholm, Sweden, but you weren’t there the next morning when I woke up with a headache.

You saw my posts about when I scored my first international goal in Sweden, but you didn’t see the 18 other games I played in when I didn’t score a goal, or other games when I didn’t even get a decent shot off.

You saw my posts at my friends’ wedding a couple days after I got back to the states, but you didn’t see me sitting at a table with my parents feeling out of place and alone because I had only three months in Houston to make friendships before I left, and I came back to friendships that hadn’t fully developed and couldn’t develop during the six months I was overseas.

You saw my posts about being so excited that my older brother recently got engaged (which means both my brothers are engaged now and will be married in 2017 - and I truly am SO excited for both of them), but you didn’t see the next day when I started crying because it hit me in my heart that I have been single for most of my adult life, and I've created my life around the fact that I've gotten so good at being alone. 

You see my posts about going on runs every week and working out at a gym with other professional athletes, but you don’t see that only takes up a few hours in my day and the rest of the day I’m at my house alone, or at a coffee shop alone, or running errands alone.

You see photos of me doing fun things with my friends in cool places, but you don’t see the majority of my days are actually spent alone in Houston doing things without my friends.

You see the edited photos of me that make me look like I have no flaws, but you don’t see the 30 other pictures in my camera roll that clearly show all of my flaws, and the unedited version of the picture I posted.

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But hey, it’s not your fault you don’t see all of those things because I’m the one who chooses to not show them.

So that’s why I’m not posting pictures on Instagram for awhile. Instagram functions based on likes – it encourages editing pictures, and it causes me to CONSTANTLY compare myself to others. Truth: I will always have less likes than someone else; I will always have less followers than someone else; I will always compare my looks to someone else's; I will always compare my captions to someone else's. Instagram is not a bad app, but for me it encourages negative thoughts about myself and incites jealousy towards others. If I can cut that out of my life then that’s a step in the right direction for me.

James 3:16

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice."

And that’s why I’m not tweeting or scrolling through Twitter anymore. Twitter is designed to be more “real” than Instagram, but I still feel disappointed when I tweet and don’t get any favorites, or if someone who I specifically wanted to favorite my tweet didn’t. Scrolling through Twitter I see people with differing opinions fighting disrespectfully, degrading posts about women and men both, and hundreds of people, including myself, spending hours and hours on an app instead of spending hours out in the real world. 

And that's why I'm not logging into Facebook anymore. Facebook is a great tool to use to keep up with a large amount of people, but I have been using it as a way to keep up with some people instead of keeping up with them in real life. It’s so easy to click on someone’s profile and scroll through their pictures to figure out what they’ve been up to in the recent months, instead of picking up my phone and calling them to catch up or meet up in real life. Online friendships are unfulfilling, SO unfulfilling, but that’s what the majority of my social life has boiled down to – “online friends”. I want more friends I actually do real life with.

With all of that said, I am keeping one form of social media: Snapchat. I think Snapchat can be the most real, or I can use it the realest way out of all the social media platforms. Yes, it has filters and you can now upload photos taken previously, but it encourages posting the world around you in real-time videos and pictures and depicts a truer representation of my life day-to-day.

If you want to keep up with me please call or text me. I love talking on the phone (I’m trying to text less), but I love meeting up in person more.

If you want to keep up with me on a more frequent basis, add me on Snapchat: @rachowens4. I try to post funny or interesting things on my story (heads up – I’m not funny and only sometimes mildly interesting). And Snapchat has messaging in the app if you don’t have my number.

I don’t want to make others feel bad about their own lives when comparing them to my social media posts (my posts that are only the highlights of my life) - I don’t ever want to do anything to make someone feel that way. And I don’t want to feel bad about my own life when comparing to other people’s social media posts either. At some point I’m sure I can figure out how to use my social media accounts without getting caught up in the superficiality of them, and when I figure that out I’m sure you’ll see me on your timelines again, but until then I need to take a step away from them.

Philippians 4:8

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." 

If cutting these social apps out of my life causes me to lose some online friendships, then I have to be okay with that. It won’t kill me to not know what everyone is up to every minute of the day. And it won’t kill me or anyone else to not know what I’m up to every minute of the day. I’m hoping this helps me get my eyes off of my phone and off of my computer screen long enough to see the world around me and make real connections with people in real life. Even if this causes my relationships to drastically decrease in number, I’m hoping those relationships I maintain will grow to be deeper and more meaningful and more life giving. Because that’s what life is all about right? The quality of relationships, not the quantity.

Hebrews 10:24-25

"And let us consider how we spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Dear Freshman Rachel,

Congratulations on becoming a collegiate athlete. You've worked your tail off to get to this point, but you have a lot more work to do.

I know the anticipation is killing you - practicing and preparing for your first game as a Ladyjack - but once you get on that field, make sure you enjoy every second. From this point on each game is a countdown to your last, and you're going to want to look back and say, "Wow, time flies, but what a heck of a career I've had. I left it all on the field."

You won't appreciate each time you step on the field this year, but when you get injured and can't play for a few games, and when you see those teammates who seem permanently stuck on the sideline, you'll realize how blessed you are to have God-given talent and the desire to be the best person on the field.

Don't lose that desire.

Hard work, late nights, early mornings, fatigued muscles, sacrifice, tears, and blood are going to be necessary to reach your dreams and your goals. Don't let any set-back take your eyes off of those. I promise you the hard moments in your career are the most worth it. It will be easy when the team wins, but it will be hard when things just don't seem to connect.

Don't lose hope.

Stay composed and lead.

Don't be afraid to lead as a freshman. As long as you can take criticism and perform at a high level, people will respect you. It doesn't matter how old you are.

When you have the chance to build friendships with your teammates away from organized soccer events, do it. Take advantage of it. Build those relationships. Put off homework for 30 minutes to grab fro-yo with a teammate. You won't remember your homework four years later and you work well under a time limit.

Trust me, you'll be fine.

In four years you're going to want those memories with your teammates, who became family, and you're going to want it to be hard to say goodbye.

When you get to your senior season - laugh. Enjoy tough weight days, look around during early morning practices, even though you're freezing and didn't get enough sleep, and take in the surroundings. These moments are fleeting and once they're gone they remain memories.

Take the preparation and work seriously, but dude, when you step onto that field just let loose and play without hesitation.

You know what you're doing. It's in your blood.

Off the field be a light to your team, even when you don't feel like it. You have a set amount of hours to be an example and leave a lasting impact on the girls around you, so take advantage of each moment you get.

Be the person you want to be remembered as.

The team is yours to lead, so lead them through humility and by example. You'll be led by captains that aren't the most fun to be led by, but learn from them.

Spoiler alert - you don't make captain your junior year and it's going to break your heart. You will cry, but you will learn to lead without a title attached to your name and you'll grow into a person who is ready to lead your senior year. You make captain your senior year when you're ready.

Take those good qualities from past captains and make them better. Take those improvable qualities and improve them.

Be the person you want to be led by and the rest will follow suit.

Responsibility is not easy, but I know you can and will rise to the challenge.

I believe in you. 

Jehovah Jireh "the God who sees you and provides"

Let me tell you how our God was watching out for me yesterday morning.

A little background:

Everyone complains about being in group projects where their group members do nothing, forcing them to have to do all the work. I’d never had this experience in college (although usually pulled a little more weight) until this semester, my last semester of college and my last group project.

In my social media strategies and tactics class (yes, they now offer social media classes in college) we were assigned a semester-long group project that counts as our final grade. Our assignment was to do all social media for a local non-profit all semester, keep track of analytics, see what tactics work and what fails, then write up a social media guide for the organization to present in front of our class and our client. We were able to put into practice what we've learned. 

Long story short – my two partners’ input for this social media guide was maybe three pages worth, combined, and that is being generous. I had to edit their work as well as write the remainder of the 18-page social media guide. I worked on writing and formatting this guide for a number of days because I didn’t want to give our client work that was sub-par. And I did it all myself. 

I told my partners that since I wrote the guide, printed out numerous copies, and purchased binders to encase them, that it was up to them to make the PowerPoint for our presentation. One guy didn’t respond, and the other decided a PowerPoint was optional.

Monday morning I get to class to find out we don’t have a PowerPoint presentation.

Our group was assigned to go last, so we sat through four other groups’ presentations prior to presenting ours. Halfway through the third group’s presentation the power goes out.

The power goes out in the entire building.

Okay, let me repeat that again, Y’ALL THE POWER GOES OUT IN THE ENTIRE BUILDING!!!!

Our professor ran out of the room to try to figure out what was going on, and when he returned he tells us that the cause is from somewhere off campus so we can’t do anything about it.

I sat there in shock.

I suggested that the group could still finish their presentation without their PowerPoint in the background (wink), so our professor agreed and the group continued. The fourth group then stood up and presented their material without their PowerPoint in the background as well.

Halfway through their presentation I realized what was happening - the power was out so it was literally impossible for anyone to present with a PowerPoint. Tears welled up in my eyes. This stirred in my heart so much love for our Lord.

My group stood up, presenting when it was our turn, and it went off without a hitch. Our professor has no idea if we had a PowerPoint or not, and my other group members' lack of input won’t end up affecting my final grade.

The God I serve saw my faithfulness and hard work and He provided for me in a way no one else could.

Y’ALL THE POWER WENT OUT IN THE ENTIRE BUILDING. That doesn’t just happen, and has never happened in the seven semesters I’ve attended classes in that building.

God is so good. He is Jehovah Jireh, the God who sees you and provides.

xoRO

I Don't Play For Myself

God continues to raise me up and humble me at the same time, and it’s so cool to see how He’s working intentionally on my heart and preparing me for His plans for my future.

Last week in our university student center there was a group of students from a local elementary school sitting with a man who was presumably their teacher (they all had matching shirts).

He approached me asking if I played soccer for the university (I was wearing an SFA soccer shirt), and asked if I minded having my picture taken with the kids. My immediate response was, “Of course!” (I love having my picture taken). 

When the man asked the kids if they wanted their picture taken with an SFA soccer player they all jumped up and said sure! Their enthusiasm made me happy. He took our picture, said thank you to me, and I told them to have a nice rest of their day.

This encounter left me beaming. I had the biggest smile on my face as I walked away from these kids. In that moment I was proud of being a collegiate athlete.

If you have talked to me in the past year, you know that I am graduating this December and that my plans after graduation are to train back home in Houston to continue my soccer career professionally overseas.

I would be lying if I told you it has been my dream my entire life to be a professional athlete, because honestly it’s only been my dream for about two years now. Even more honestly, at one point before SFA scouted me, I didn’t even want to play soccer in college. God orchestrated a serendipitous moment when SFA saw me play in a club game in high school I was supposed to miss due to being at an LSU soccer camp. I left that camp a day early, SFA saw me play, and bam - I got an offer I couldn’t refuse to play for a division 1 soccer program.

Encounters like this one, when I get to experience the love younger people have for athletes, makes me so thankful God has given me this talent. It put a little more pride in my head until I started to analyze the encounter later on.

These kids had no idea who I was. They didn’t know my name. They didn’t know if I sat on the bench every game or played every single minute. They didn’t know if I won any personal awards or how long I’ve been on the team. The only thing they knew about me was that I played soccer for a university – and that was enough for them to look up to me.

My pride in myself was shattered when I realized these things, and my affections for the Lord were stirred at the same time. I don’t play soccer for the fame or the awards (even though I often long for these things). God didn’t give me this platform to raise my name up. I play soccer because I love the game and want to give God the glory through the talents He has blessed me with.

I am so thankful that God has given me this platform of collegiate athletics for three and a half years to be a positive example to younger kids and to all who watch me. God has used me here at SFA, and I know He will use me in the next place I go. I have a desire for a bigger platform to share God’s love, so wherever He decides to take me next in life I will treat as a mission field for His purpose. I’m just really hoping it involves playing professionally J

xoRO

New Year, Same Jesus

Why are people so obsessed with the New Year, and the expectations that come along with it? Why is there such a thing as New Year's Resolutions? What's so enticing about dividing life into a 'past' and a 'future'? Today is a regular Wednesday, and tomorrow will be a regular Thursday. The only difference between the two will be the year tacked onto the end of the date. A '2014' does not make today any less of a Wednesday, and a '2015' does not make tomorrow any more of a Thursday.

Bombarding my newsfeeds are phrases like, "New Year, new me!" and, "The New Year starts a blank slate!" and, "Tomorrow is the first blank page in a 365 page book. Write a good one!" There is nothing new or blank about tomorrow that isn't new or blank about any tomorrow in our lives. The only difference is one number. 2015. Then the numbers will change again the next day, and they will continue to change every day after that.

The different date does not make me any less single, any more fit, any more smart, or any more happy. January 1 does not "cure" all of the "flaws" I am taught to believe I have just because it is the start of a new calendar year. There will continually be a new year, and it will continually be filled with my flaws.

I believe the hype surrounding New Years is just for comfort purposes. It is a comforting notion to believe that you can leave what's in the past exactly where you want to leave it-- in the past. It is also comforting to believe that when you look ahead you can see a blank slate and become the person you've dreamed of being with nothing holding you back. Those are comforting beliefs, but the new calendar year is not going to give you those comforts. Your past will follow you into the new year if you don't address it. Your future isn't a blank slate solely because you label it 'blank slate'. There is only one entity that can rid you of your past and lay out your blank future all at one time.

No more, "New year, new me." Instead, "Jesus Christ, new me."
The New Year doesn't start a blank slate; Jesus Christ starts a blank slate!
You don't have to say, "Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one." because Jesus Christ is the first blank page of your book with infinite pages! And you know it's going to be good in Heaven!

Are you looking for a significant other to make you feel complete? Turn to Jesus Christ and He will make you more complete than anyone on this earth ever will. Are you unfulfilled with the way you've been living your life? Are you looking for something to wipe your slate clean? Are you longing for a new life with a genuine purpose?

1 Peter 2:24
"He Himself bore our sins on His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed."

Y'all, the answer is not the inception of a calendar year, the answer is the sacrifice of our Savior. The dates will continue to change, but the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for us on the cross will never change. He gave up His life so that we could have a life eternally with God. And the great thing is that you don't have to wait until a new year to change your life, you can change it whenever you decide to accept Christ and start following Him.

1 Peter 1:3-5
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has cause us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time."

Whether you do not know Christ and are searching, or you are a believer and have found yourself straying from your faith this year, He will always be there waiting for you to decide to turn your life around. 

Psalm 107:19-21
"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; He rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men."

Instead of making a New Year's Resolution tomorrow to smile more, eat less, get fit, or find a spouse, how about making a Life Resolution to ensure that you have eternal life, beyond what this earth says it can give you. You can have the Living Water the Lord promises to you if you accept His word and start living your life for Him. Instead of focusing on outward flaws this year, try focusing on inward flaws. Reach out to Christ to heal you from the inside and start to watch Him manifest in all aspects of life.

xoRO

Inside Depression

Depression is a locked door from the inside.

It's a dirty look in passing.

A suffocating wake of hurt and pain- with no inception, and what seems like no end.

Depression is not communal.

It's not something openly understood or accepted.

It's solitude- in every capacity of the term. 

Life is one less pill consumed;

One cut too shallow;

One rope too weak;

One jump not high enough.

Life is a culmination of missed signs, tears not seen, suffering hidden in that locked door from inside.

Depression is a battle never won.

It lingers your entire life- patiently waiting for a wavering chemical imbalance paired with less than ideal life circumstances.

Depression chokes you when you're already gasping for air.

It kicks you in the side when you're already bleeding internally.

It is undoubtedly, irrevocably, incapable of showing mercy.

Depression does not see its aftermath.

It does not take into account the brand it burns into the world- the irremovable scalding heat that cannot be forgotten.

Depression sees no future- therefore it cannot take into account any repercussions it may cause.

Depression has blinders on both eyes running down a track that has no finish line.

Depression is a selfish disease that knows no other life but it's own.

In depression there is no one else.

In depression there is no future.

In depression there is no reason, no rationale, no justification.

Depression is a locked door from the inside. 

With no windows and no key.

The bright light is the most appealing sight it has ever seen.

One moment, one decision- and you're free.

Depression doesn't see years, it sees minutes.

Depression doesn't see rocking chairs, it sees a hospital bed.

Depression doesn't see friends and caring hearts, it sees judging eyes who can't possibly understand.

Depression is the loneliest place.

But no one tells depression what waits for it if it holds on just a little longer.

Depression does not know patience, and what HOPE there is in temperance.

In depression there is only one tangible way out.

Depression is a disease of this world that cannot be cured by this world.

The only cure for depression is JOY and the only place JOY exists is in the undying love and saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Depression cannot comprehend unconditional love.

But depression cannot exist in the midst of holiness.

Holiness is not self-sufficient- it needs a source; and the only source is not of this world.

Depression looks to this world for relief and that's what it thinks it finds in death.

Depression is a daily battle between what is good and what is not.

It's easy to look onto depression and tell it what is awry, but it's not as apparent in it's own depths.

Judgement manifests within and without depression.

It's a fuel to the never-ending fire.

Stop feeding the flames.

Depression cannot be understood unless you're sitting in the locked room with it.

But that room is small, and dark, and uninviting.

Unless you're there you cannot possibly comprehend.

And unless you have known joy prior it's difficult to fathom.

From someone who has been in that room, from someone who has failed to escape by my own hands, and from someone who was freed, not by worldly medicine, but by the key of the intangible One who FREES and gives JOY. 

There is more than just one way out,

And it involves a LIFE you have to live to believe. 

A better place awaits, and it's attainable without having to close your eyes forever.

xoRO

Girls' Engagement Ring Fantasy

I see girls constantly pinning, retweeting, and posting “dream future engagement rings” on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook. In case you were unaware, this is a daily hot topic among young women. DAILY. It seems that at this stage in our lives (college-ish) the cut, color, and style of our future engagement ring is like, a big deal or something.

WHY?!

I heard a girl the other day say that she wants a certain size ring (big) or she’s not going to like it. And to be completely realistic, more than half of the rings I see on social media are expensive for 99% of America. Excuse me, but are you marrying your RING or your HUSBAND who spent a lot of money to get you that ring? And it shouldn’t matter how much money he spends, anyway.

HE BOUGHT IT BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU.

He didn’t have to take the time out of his day to think about you. He didn’t have to spend his money that he earned to commit his entire life to you. Plain and simple, he didn’t have to do any of that. But he chose to. He chose you. He chose a ring that he would like to see on your finger for the rest of y’all’s lives together. An engagement ring is not just for you, ladies. An engagement ring is a privilege you get to show off to the world that you are on your way to being off the market for good.

By the time my relationship with my boyfriend gets to the point where he is shopping for rings, I trust his judgment. I trust he knows my ‘style’ enough and who I am as a person enough to pick out a ring that he thinks fits my personality. Whatever he spends his time and money on is special enough in itself that I will appreciate it no matter what it looks like. (By the way, it’s kind of hard to make a diamond look bad…) When the time comes that I am lucky enough to have a diamond slipped onto my hand, I can guarantee you I won’t be looking at the color, cut, or style. My eyes will be filled with tears, my nose will be running, and I will be embracing the MAN that I will spend the rest of my life with, not the RING. (Sorry, I’m a crier).

So ladies, stop ‘shopping’ for your imaginary engagement ring. We are bombarded so frequently with this idea that money and a nice ring play a significant role in our future. I’m guilty of fantasizing, too. But I stop and remind myself that it’s the man I marry that is going to matter, not what is on my hand. Diamonds are not going to be the most important part of your marriage. I can guarantee you that.

xoRO