Embracing Reality

Ya know, if you looked at my social media accounts (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat) I bet you would think to yourself, “Wow, Rachel looks like she has a awesome life right now! She just travels the world, plays soccer and works out, and has so much time to do so many fun things.” And I can bet that because, well, so many people I’ve talked to have recently told me those things.

However, I am always the first to rebuttal that my social media posts are designed to make people think my life is awesome. I choose what I post on social media, and what I choose to post is the only thing most people see. My followers don’t see things I don’t choose to show them. And no, I’m not going to pretend like this past year wasn’t an adventure and wasn’t a life-changing year, because it most definitely was, but it didn’t change my life in the way you might have expected it to.

You saw countless photos I posted of me traveling and experiencing so much of Iceland this year, but you didn’t see the countless days I spent at my house watching Netflix, or napping, or reading books, or walking to my friends’ houses to sit and do nothing together.

You saw my posts about me out with friends having fun experiencing the nightlife in Stockholm, Sweden, but you weren’t there the next morning when I woke up with a headache.

You saw my posts about when I scored my first international goal in Sweden, but you didn’t see the 18 other games I played in when I didn’t score a goal, or other games when I didn’t even get a decent shot off.

You saw my posts at my friends’ wedding a couple days after I got back to the states, but you didn’t see me sitting at a table with my parents feeling out of place and alone because I had only three months in Houston to make friendships before I left, and I came back to friendships that hadn’t fully developed and couldn’t develop during the six months I was overseas.

You saw my posts about being so excited that my older brother recently got engaged (which means both my brothers are engaged now and will be married in 2017 - and I truly am SO excited for both of them), but you didn’t see the next day when I started crying because it hit me in my heart that I have been single for most of my adult life, and I've created my life around the fact that I've gotten so good at being alone. 

You see my posts about going on runs every week and working out at a gym with other professional athletes, but you don’t see that only takes up a few hours in my day and the rest of the day I’m at my house alone, or at a coffee shop alone, or running errands alone.

You see photos of me doing fun things with my friends in cool places, but you don’t see the majority of my days are actually spent alone in Houston doing things without my friends.

You see the edited photos of me that make me look like I have no flaws, but you don’t see the 30 other pictures in my camera roll that clearly show all of my flaws, and the unedited version of the picture I posted.

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But hey, it’s not your fault you don’t see all of those things because I’m the one who chooses to not show them.

So that’s why I’m not posting pictures on Instagram for awhile. Instagram functions based on likes – it encourages editing pictures, and it causes me to CONSTANTLY compare myself to others. Truth: I will always have less likes than someone else; I will always have less followers than someone else; I will always compare my looks to someone else's; I will always compare my captions to someone else's. Instagram is not a bad app, but for me it encourages negative thoughts about myself and incites jealousy towards others. If I can cut that out of my life then that’s a step in the right direction for me.

James 3:16

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice."

And that’s why I’m not tweeting or scrolling through Twitter anymore. Twitter is designed to be more “real” than Instagram, but I still feel disappointed when I tweet and don’t get any favorites, or if someone who I specifically wanted to favorite my tweet didn’t. Scrolling through Twitter I see people with differing opinions fighting disrespectfully, degrading posts about women and men both, and hundreds of people, including myself, spending hours and hours on an app instead of spending hours out in the real world. 

And that's why I'm not logging into Facebook anymore. Facebook is a great tool to use to keep up with a large amount of people, but I have been using it as a way to keep up with some people instead of keeping up with them in real life. It’s so easy to click on someone’s profile and scroll through their pictures to figure out what they’ve been up to in the recent months, instead of picking up my phone and calling them to catch up or meet up in real life. Online friendships are unfulfilling, SO unfulfilling, but that’s what the majority of my social life has boiled down to – “online friends”. I want more friends I actually do real life with.

With all of that said, I am keeping one form of social media: Snapchat. I think Snapchat can be the most real, or I can use it the realest way out of all the social media platforms. Yes, it has filters and you can now upload photos taken previously, but it encourages posting the world around you in real-time videos and pictures and depicts a truer representation of my life day-to-day.

If you want to keep up with me please call or text me. I love talking on the phone (I’m trying to text less), but I love meeting up in person more.

If you want to keep up with me on a more frequent basis, add me on Snapchat: @rachowens4. I try to post funny or interesting things on my story (heads up – I’m not funny and only sometimes mildly interesting). And Snapchat has messaging in the app if you don’t have my number.

I don’t want to make others feel bad about their own lives when comparing them to my social media posts (my posts that are only the highlights of my life) - I don’t ever want to do anything to make someone feel that way. And I don’t want to feel bad about my own life when comparing to other people’s social media posts either. At some point I’m sure I can figure out how to use my social media accounts without getting caught up in the superficiality of them, and when I figure that out I’m sure you’ll see me on your timelines again, but until then I need to take a step away from them.

Philippians 4:8

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." 

If cutting these social apps out of my life causes me to lose some online friendships, then I have to be okay with that. It won’t kill me to not know what everyone is up to every minute of the day. And it won’t kill me or anyone else to not know what I’m up to every minute of the day. I’m hoping this helps me get my eyes off of my phone and off of my computer screen long enough to see the world around me and make real connections with people in real life. Even if this causes my relationships to drastically decrease in number, I’m hoping those relationships I maintain will grow to be deeper and more meaningful and more life giving. Because that’s what life is all about right? The quality of relationships, not the quantity.

Hebrews 10:24-25

"And let us consider how we spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Dear Freshman Rachel,

Congratulations on becoming a collegiate athlete. You've worked your tail off to get to this point, but you have a lot more work to do.

I know the anticipation is killing you - practicing and preparing for your first game as a Ladyjack - but once you get on that field, make sure you enjoy every second. From this point on each game is a countdown to your last, and you're going to want to look back and say, "Wow, time flies, but what a heck of a career I've had. I left it all on the field."

You won't appreciate each time you step on the field this year, but when you get injured and can't play for a few games, and when you see those teammates who seem permanently stuck on the sideline, you'll realize how blessed you are to have God-given talent and the desire to be the best person on the field.

Don't lose that desire.

Hard work, late nights, early mornings, fatigued muscles, sacrifice, tears, and blood are going to be necessary to reach your dreams and your goals. Don't let any set-back take your eyes off of those. I promise you the hard moments in your career are the most worth it. It will be easy when the team wins, but it will be hard when things just don't seem to connect.

Don't lose hope.

Stay composed and lead.

Don't be afraid to lead as a freshman. As long as you can take criticism and perform at a high level, people will respect you. It doesn't matter how old you are.

When you have the chance to build friendships with your teammates away from organized soccer events, do it. Take advantage of it. Build those relationships. Put off homework for 30 minutes to grab fro-yo with a teammate. You won't remember your homework four years later and you work well under a time limit.

Trust me, you'll be fine.

In four years you're going to want those memories with your teammates, who became family, and you're going to want it to be hard to say goodbye.

When you get to your senior season - laugh. Enjoy tough weight days, look around during early morning practices, even though you're freezing and didn't get enough sleep, and take in the surroundings. These moments are fleeting and once they're gone they remain memories.

Take the preparation and work seriously, but dude, when you step onto that field just let loose and play without hesitation.

You know what you're doing. It's in your blood.

Off the field be a light to your team, even when you don't feel like it. You have a set amount of hours to be an example and leave a lasting impact on the girls around you, so take advantage of each moment you get.

Be the person you want to be remembered as.

The team is yours to lead, so lead them through humility and by example. You'll be led by captains that aren't the most fun to be led by, but learn from them.

Spoiler alert - you don't make captain your junior year and it's going to break your heart. You will cry, but you will learn to lead without a title attached to your name and you'll grow into a person who is ready to lead your senior year. You make captain your senior year when you're ready.

Take those good qualities from past captains and make them better. Take those improvable qualities and improve them.

Be the person you want to be led by and the rest will follow suit.

Responsibility is not easy, but I know you can and will rise to the challenge.

I believe in you.